Bob is a sweet guy. He tells
Maggie sweet things and buys her small gifts.
His hugs, kisses and words of
love makes her toes coil. She feels sweetly vulnerable and he seems to always
know where Maggie is emotionally.
His conversations are always
deep and meaningful. His eyes glow. His voice gets deeper and softer. His body
relaxes. He seems to speak from his heart.
He’s so tender, loving and
caring and Maggie feels fulfilled being with him.
But that was years ago. Now
he has changed. Maggie is NOW invincible. He doesn’t notice her anymore.
His hugs and kisses are now
cold – more like a duty.
His conversations are now
shallow – like he’s trying to shut her out. He doesn’t let her talk and emote
anymore. The T.V remote now seem more important.
Maggie is confused and don’t
know what to do.
She has tried everything: She
has taking the passive route. Yet nothing. She has complained and threatened.
Yet nothing.
Even the sarcastic route has
not worked.
Now she’s trying to be the
ideal woman: She does his laundry, iron his clothes, takes his car for detailing,
makes his favorite meals, dress sexy and workout. Yet, nothing.
Where is she getting it all
wrong? UNDERSTANDING!
You see! Men want to please.
They want to make the woman they care about happy. But they don’t know how to;
and they don’t even realize it – and most women don’t know that they don’t know
how.
They assume that their men
automatically know how to. When he makes the effort, she discourages him
without realizing it.
Confused? Don’t worry. It
will be clearer in a moment.
Believe it or not, men and
women are profoundly different – and mysteriously alike. They live in the same planet
but experience radically different realities.
That’s why his empathy is
different. And both of you don’t even realize it.
So he has been giving love
the way he understands. But it has been counter-productive. So he feels
discouraged, disappointed and confused. That’s why he shuts down and stops
trying.
And here is the interesting
part…
The biggest culprit here is
your communication style – the feedback he has been getting.
Often times, these
are communication pattern that are completely normal in your reality – except
that his’ is different.
There are 4 possible ways to
communicate.
- Passive
- Aggressive
- Passive-aggressive
- Assertive
3 are counter-productive. 1
is a complete turn on: It gets him so high like coke.
Now let’s explore them…
Passive is when you don’t tell him anything. You want something from him – or
he does something that displeases you – and you say nothing. Perhaps you care
for him and don’t want to hurt his feelings.
So you sit and just wait for
him to "magically" know what to do.
The problem with this is that
a man’s instinct is not the same as yours – his realities are different. If he
was a woman, he would instinctively know what you want.
As a result, he gets so
confused.
He doesn’t know for sure if
he is pleasing you or not. AND THAT’S IMPORTANT TO HIM. So he gets frustrated
and shuts down.
Aggressive is when you yell, intimidate or threaten. Perhaps you
feel ignored and just want to express it. Or maybe, you just want to help him
improve.
The problem with this is that
he will not understand your intention.
His intuition will interpret
it as you blaming him. And men hate to be blamed. It bruises their ego and
makes them feel like a failure.
That’s why they get defensive.
It can also lead to a deep
resentment – the effect is catastrophic when you allow it to build up. He could
become something else.
Passive-Aggressive is when you are sarcastic. You say one thing when you
mean another.
The problem with this is that
there is always tension.
He never feels relaxed with
you. And if he can’t relax with you, he can’t trust you. When he mistrusts you,
he withdraws.
Assertive is when you calmly and clearly tell him what you want – or mean.
Here, you’re standing up for
yourself in a respectful way – you speak from the heart.
When you talk like this, a part
of him wakes up, pays attention and feels connected. He begins to understand you because you’re now
talking the way men communicate – direct.
As a result, he’ll always
know where he stands with you.
He’ll never feel confused. He’ll
respect you and look at you with new eyes.
For example, if your man has
chosen yet another Saturday to go golfing instead of spending some time with you…
You may normally react by
yelling, hanging up on him, or storming out of the room… or maybe withdrawing.
The next time a situation like
this occurs, calmly state: “I am disappointed. I have been looking forward to a
Saturday spent together for a while. Do you think you could make time for us to
go to a movie Saturday afternoon, and then to dinner?”
A man is more likely to want
to compromise—or maybe even decide that he can forgo golf for one weekend,
when he hears your request as being reasonable.
Another example, if he asks
you where you want to go for dinner…
Don’t hem and haw with “I
don’t know, whatever you want,” and then sulk at dinner because he chose pit
BBQ and you really wanted Italian.
Say, “My preference tonight
would be for Italian. What’s yours?”
This gives your man something
to work with, instead of later wondering what he did wrong because you’re not
really eating or talking to him.
Do you want to discover more secrets to melting your mans heart and building a committed, fulfiling and love filled relationship? Then fill the form below and watch this NO-COST powerful video lesson from my friend, Dr. Randy Bennett, a licensed relationship expert with 25 years of experience counseling successful couples.
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